By Emmanuel Fashakin, MD, Esq.
Welcome to another edition of “Tales My Patients Told Me”.
Carmona (not real name) started bringing her boys to our Richmond Hill location about 19 years ago. Alex, 4, had severe developmental delay and he was referred for Early Intervention program and he attended a special school. Alex required a lot of work and parental attention, but Carmona was undaunted. Carmona would bring Alex and his brothers, Roland, 2 and Manuel 1 to the office unfailingly for their well child assessments and immunizations. Carmona was a very good mother, and often was the first person in line as the office opens in the mornings, whenever any of the children had any childhood illnesses.
Over the course of couple of years, it was a big blow when we found out that not only Alex, but his two brothers also had developmental delays. The brothers developmental delay problems were not as profound as Alex’s, but both children also required early intervention and special programs. Carmona soldiered on over the years, never wavering, and was always there for all the children’s scheduled and emergency visits. To the outside observer, Carmona’s home was happy and stable.
The first inclination I had of something being wrong with the family was about 13 years ago, when Carmona’s husband came to the office and asked me to write him an IRS letter, to enable him to claim the three boys in his taxes. I asked him about Carmona and the children, and he informed me that they were at home. I informed him that since I didn’t know him, and since Carmona had been the one bringing the children for their physicals for the prior 19 years, I would not issue any letters without Carmona’s consent. I am well aware of non-custodial parents trying to play a fast one to get tax letters from the children’s doctors, even though they were not involved in the care of the children. But what happened next took me aback completely.
Carmona’s husband called her, that the Doctor refused to issue the letters, and Carmona, who lived just a few blocks away, came charging into the office. In all 19 years I had known Carmona, I had never seen her talk so rudely. She told me that it was none of my business that her husband, and not her, was getting the IRS letters. I tried to explain that I was trying to protect her interest by insisting that she gave her consent, or that the three children be physically present with the father, as evidence of custody, before I issued the letters, since the husband never came to the office with them. Carmona just brushed aside my explanations and stormed out of the office the same way she came. I was really baffled by the experience.
A few months after this incident, the children were in the office for their scheduled physicals, but they were brought by their paternal grandmother. “Where is Carmona?”, I asked the children. “She left for another man”, the children said together. “She did what?” I asked incredulously. “She has left us”, they calmly explained. Since then, grandma has been bringing the children to the office, and I have not seen Carmona again. Last week, Grandma came to get tax papers to file as custodian of the children. She explained that she now has custody of the children and she is planning to adopt them. I don’t know what became of Daddy: I never asked.
Some time later, I saw Alex for a well visit. Alex is a grown boy, still rather slow, but getting by. He wanted medical certification that he is fit to work. Alex wants to do some odd jobs. It’s been 13 years since I last saw Carmona, so I asked Alex: “Do you hear from mommy?” Did you see Mommy?” “Did Mommy visit you”? “Did Mommy call you?” Alex answered “no” to all my questions. Alex said that Carmona lives just a few blocks away but she has never come to see them. He said Carmona got a girl for the new man in her life. I asked Alex whether he had seen his baby sister. “No” was the reply. Would he like to see his baby sister?, I persisted. Alex said “No!” rather emphatically.
I have often thought about Carmona and her boys these past four years. There were many times I had been mad at her conduct: how on earth could a mother abandon her three boys, for whom she had labored for ten long years, just like that, without looking back? But then I remember my own travails, how I had been tempted to just pack it in and give in, and how I had told myself that I would continue fighting: “I will not stop, I will not falter; I will not beat myself. If you want to get me down, you have to do it yourself.”
By my experience, I learned that every person, no matter how strong, has a breaking point. Our prayers are that, whatever experiences we are going through, we should pray that the Lord will send us relieve before we reach our breaking point. Ironically, the children are doing just fine after Carmona quit on them. Alex went to high school, and yes, Alex, ever slow Alex, got a job!
My dilemma about Carmona is reflected in the title of this “Tales”. The former title I chose was TALES MY PATIENTS TOLD ME: “A very unusual mother” but midway into the story, I decided to change it. What do you think?
Emmanuel O. Fashakin, M.D.,FMCS(Nig), FWACS, FRCS(Ed), FAAFP, Esq.
Attorney at Law & Medical Director,
Abbydek Family Medical Practice, P.C.
web address: http://www.abbydek.com
Cell phone: +1-347-217-6175
