Every Saturday, I reach for the Saturday Tribune to read the latest tales of dirty underwear from Ibadan’s courts of broken marriages. There are always stories—divorce petitions and intimate scandals—from the Chief Customary Court sitting at Ojaaba in Ibadan.
I once asked the editor of the paper whether there were no Catholics in Ibadan and whether that court ever went on holiday. He laughed and told me that even in Rome, the home of Catholic marriage, people file for divorce and wash their dirty, stinking linen in public every week.
He pointed me to the Rome News Tribune, which, on April 4, 2026, published on its website the names of people who “filed for divorce through the Floyd County Superior Court Clerk’s Office for the week of March 23, 2026″. That Roman newspaper went on to name names. I avoid doing that here.
What struck me, however, is that there is no hallowed ground anywhere when it comes to the sanctity of marriage.
People exit marriages for all sorts of reasons and faults. Sometimes, the cause may be as trivial as a spouse not knowing how to neatly press a toothpaste tube; at other times, it may be as grave as outright betrayal.
In some cases, partners simply drift apart without formal divorce proceedings.
But it can be deeply painful—or downright foolish—for a partner not to realise when the market is over. Market. Yes, marriage is a market: it is about buying and selling, offer and acceptance. That is why it is a contract.
In 2013, I wrote a piece titled “Ladies, this is how to know your man is through with you.”
Since that piece was written 13 years ago, much water has passed under the bridge of both great and not-so-great marriages.
Read Also: Echoes of Trauma: The cost of looking away, By Lillian Okenwa
Because if lice will not stop living in the hem of a dress, the fingers will not be free of blood. I reproduce that 2013 piece here verbatim:
So, how do you know if you are being dumped or if you are already the ‘dumpee’ even this minute? First, let us agree that not all relationships end in ‘I do’. Many end in ‘I don’t’. If a man no longer wants to ‘do’, you would do well, my sister, to learn to let him go.
When a man is done with a relationship, he is done. He may not look like he is even lacing up his boots, yet he may have left you weeks ago. A woman needs to learn how to read the signs—and what to do. Unlike women, who are often sentimental about ending relationships, men tend to be more logical.
If they want out, they head for the door. Some try to be nice about it—though I doubt there is a nice way to dump a woman—but a man who is through is through. Trying to stop him is, most times, a waste of time and energy. When a man finds himself in a tight corner, the first person he looks out for is himself. He may not intend to hurt, but hurt is what follows. The dumper may even be more hurt than the dumpee—if you get my meaning. Perhaps that is why the stench from dump sites is always so terrible. Dumping is simply bad business.
So, how do you know you are being dumped—or already dumped? Again, let us agree that not all relationships end in ‘I do’. Many end in ‘I don’t’. If a man no longer wants to ‘do’, it is wiser to let him go. Not that you can stop him if he is already eyeing the door, but it is easier on the dumpee if she holds a meeting between her heart and her head—and they agree not to cause a scene.
Here is one sign: he stops asking detailed questions about your movements. If he once checked on you three times between leaving the office and getting home but now only asks, “How was your day?”—and quickly changes the subject when you begin to explain—let the green light in your head turn amber. If you mention a dinner and all he says is “okay” without asking who is hosting, where it is, or what you will wear, you are losing your grip. As far as he is concerned, you can go jump in an acid lake.
He will also stop explaining his own movements. If you see another woman in his car and stop him, a “nice” dumper will greet you, say he is in a hurry, and move on. Note: he does not introduce her, nor explain who you are. Count yourself lucky he even stopped—and keep that amber light on. You are no longer as important as you used to be. Or did you believe the “I’m in a hurry” line?
If you have met members of his family, be alert to a sudden chill. Watch for smiles that do not reach the eyes, pitying looks, and barely concealed relief when you say you are leaving. They may like you—but he has likely introduced someone else and told them he is done with you.
When a man begins to make himself unavailable and unapproachable, he is signalling that the deal is off. If weekends once spent together are now always “busy”, do not ignore the alarm bells. If you visit unannounced, you may well find your replacement.
If the man who once could not keep his hands and eyes off you now sees you in lingerie, adjusts his glasses, and returns to his laptop or iPad, you are likely headed for the dumpsite. If he walks past you in the shower without a second glance, there is cause for serious concern.
If your ten calls a day have dwindled to one—or none—you are a dumpee awaiting formal confirmation.
That man has moved on. I suggest you do the same.
Yes—this is my verdict in my capacity as Chairman, National Assembly Joint Committee on Intimate Affairs.
The views expressed by contributors are strictly personal and not of Law & Society Magazine.
