By Suyi Ayodele

The Oxford English dictionary defines ‘portable’ as “able to be easily carried or moved…” Now, I am using ‘portable’ to qualify Yoruba queens – wives of obas – who are now easily snatched by any loudmouth in town with enough careless cash. A Queen Dammy dashed out of the Aafin in Oyo and landed on the laps of dirty-looking musician Okikiola in Lagos. It is not an isolated case. In Ile Ife, in Ilesa, in Iwo, it happened. Wives of our kings have become snacks (guguru and epa) in the mouths of street urchins. It is sad.

The happenings between Habeeb Okikiola Badmus, popularly known as Portable, and Queen Dammy, the ex-wife of Oba Lamidi Olayiwola Adeyemi III (October 15, 1938- April 22, 2022), the late Alaafin of Oyo, run contrary to the Yoruba ethos of Omoluabi. It is a sad commentary about the future of the Yoruba race, its culture, worldview and respect for age-long traditions.

I could not resist every video of the sordid episodic events not because I cherish them but just to keep abreast with the development and see when sanity would come calling! The question I keep asking myself over the matter is: how did we get here as a race? This is highly disturbing. Couldn’t these two kiss-and-tell spalpeens drag each other without involving the late Alaafin; thereby bringing shame to the entire Yoruba race?

Who are the parents of these ruffians? What about the elders in their communities? Are the two completely out of control, or nobody cares about them? If they are beyond redemption, can’t the race they are denigrating do something?

There are taboos in Yorubaland. One of them is that no man sleeps with the wife of a deity. Yoruba Obas are deities. The Alaafin has as part of his oriki, like every other Oba, “Aláse, ekejì òrìsà” (Sovereign, second in command to the gods). Alaafin is a combination of death (ikú), disease (àrùn), and loss (òfò). He doesn’t die; he lives. He can only change position. Then why these insults on his memory?

The other taboo that speaks to the Portable and Queen Dammy tango is that no mortal has an amorous affair with the wife of a Babalawo and lives to tell the story. By Yoruba cosmology, an Oba is the head of all principalities and powers, Babalawo inclusive. Whether ex, live-in or legal, no man touches the consort of a king and boasts about it later the way Portable is doing. The repercussions are too grave. Here is just an illustration.

In the days of our fathers, three different men had amorous affairs with Orò, the wife of Òrúnmìlà. The affairs produced three different children, all boys. But the defiants did not live to tell the story. Òrúnmìlà, who newly married his wife, Orò, was about to go in to her when he received the Macedonian call to come to Òyán by post because of a calamity in the town. He went with his wife, and they had a child there.

When the child was weaned, and Òrúnmìlà was about to get a second benevolence, another summons came from another distressed town, Ònkò, and pronto Òrúnmìlà again left with his wife. They also had a male child there. Later, Ilé-Ifè called on Òrúnmìlà for another assignment and he went back with his wife and had another male child.

So, when Òrúnmìlà was asked to come to the rescue of another town, he decided to leave Orò behind at Ilé-Ifè. He calculated that he would not stay too long and gave provisions that would sustain his family for the 17 days he planned to spend at the new place of assignment called Olókun. However, after three months, when Òrúnmìlà failed to show up, the 17-day provisions he left for the wife got exhausted and hunger set in.

To salvage the situation, Orò joined a party of women firewood hewers. On their way to the forest, Orò met Òndàáró, who gave her money, slept with her and produced a male child. After weaning that child, she went back to the forest, met another man, Òngòósùn, who also had affairs with her and she had another male child. On yet another trip, Orò met Olúkoóló who gave her money and had carnal knowledge of her. The affair led to the birth of another male child. When each of those men knew Orò was the wife of Òrúnmìlà, they disappeared.

Òrúnmìlà did not return to Ilé-Ifè until after 16 years. He met his wife and the six children. Three of them were for him and the remaining three for the concubines. Òrúnmìlà kept quiet, adopting the Yoruba philosophy of Àgbàlagbà se’nú kodoro (Let the elderly widen his stomach). He taught five of the children, the three from concubines and two of his own, Ifa divination and when they had learnt enough, he sent the three children from other men to other lands to go and practice their trade.

After their departure, Orunmila entered his inner recess. He invoked the power of Ifá and killed Òndàáró, Òngòósùn and Olúkoóló. He fulfilled the wise saying that Akìí fé aya Babaláwo j’ayé (Nobody marries the wife of a Babalawo and lives thereafter), òkìkí gèè n’ílé eni fé’ya Èkejì Òòsà (Wailing and lamentation in the home of the one who dates the king’s wife).

Professor Wande Abimbola blamed the fate of Orò on Òrúnmìlà. The Àwíse Àgbáyé said that Òrúnmìlà was responsible for what happened because when he consulted Ifá, and a sacrifice was prescribed for him before he married Orò, he did not sacrifice the whole goat prescribed but half of it (See Ìjìnlè ohùn Enu Ifá, Apá Kejì, pg. 51). That notwithstanding, the three randy men were not allowed to gloat over their amorous relationships with Òrúnmìlà ’s wife.

If we may ask, what happened that Queen Dammy left Oyo Palace? How, in the first instance, did a character like her get into Alaafin’s harem? We cannot question the late Kábíyèsí. By the appellation, Kábíyèsí, it means that his authority cannot be questioned. I will not do that here, either. But I am worried about the loss of our traditional values.

The rate at which Oloris divorce kings in Yorubaland calls for sober reflections. What happened to the traditional rites of passage for would-be Oloris? Is it normal for our Obas’ wives to dash out of the palaces into the hands of scapegrace like we have in the Portable and Queen Dammy matter? How many Portables are waiting out there for the next Olorì? As far back as 1964, the late Hubert Ogunde enjoined us to think deeply; Yòrùbá Ro’nú. When are we going to do just that? Exactly WHEN?

The issue of Omoluabi concept brings us to the position of the leader of UK’s Conservative Party, Kemi Badenoch, on the parlous state of Nigeria. The reactions of Vice President Shettima, and the unofficial defender of Nigeria, Femi Fani-Kayode (FFK) speak more to the level of intolerance for truth by our leaders.

If Vice President Shettima and FFK were to have their ways, they would change the spousal name of Kemi Badenoch to “Badmouth’! The questions to ask are: what is more painful to Vice President Shettima and FFK in Kemi Badenoch’s statement of facts about Nigeria?

Is it the obvious fact that Badenoch said that corruption had finished off Nigeria? Or she said that she is not a Nigerian but Yoruba? Or, that she had nothing in common with the North of Shettima, which the UK politician said is the haven of insurgents?

Badenoch grew up on the streets of Lagos before she went to the UK. She was already an adult before she ventured out of Nigeria. She is in a good position to make comparisons. Our elders say that when a child has not seen another man’s farm, he boasts that his father’s farm is the largest in the community. The UK politician has seen both the Nigerian farm and the British farm. She knows which is better managed; better administered and has the potential to grow.

What are the issues she raised? First, Kemi Badenoch said she ran away from Nigeria and adopted the UK as “my country”, and would not want to come back to Nigeria, where she “saw firsthand what happens when politicians are in it for themselves, when they use public money as their private piggy banks, when they pollute the whole political atmosphere with their failure to serve others.” We may wish to ask Shettima and FFK if these are not statements of facts. Is it not true that in Nigeria today, there is no difference between the public till and the private purses of our politicians?

Badenoch added that while growing up in Nigeria, “fear was everywhere. You cannot understand it unless you’ve lived it. Triple-checking that all the doors and windows are locked, waking up in the night at every sound, listening as you hear your neighbours scream as they are being burgled and beaten, wondering if your home would be next.” Is that not correct in Nigeria of today?

The eight years that Shettima was governor of Borno State, what was the level of security there? Even now, would the Vice-President venture in Borno without the full compliments of all the nation’s security architecture providing land and air surveillance and protection? Can FFK drive from Abuja to his hometown, Ilé-Ifè, unaccompanied by armed-carrying policemen?

If we go by common sense and the present situation of things in Nigeria, who does Nigeria need most between Kemi and the duo of Shettima and FFK? Would the nation have preferred to have more politicians without clear-cut ideologies; ones who jump from one political bed to another at the slightest change of power, or a Badenoch, who sees the truth and says it? Today, the people in power, who were once described as the direct descendants of the devil itself, are FFK’s buddies! Is that the man who will tell us the type of people Nigeria wants and does not want?

And if the duo of Shettima and FFK are asking Badenoch to drop her Nigerian name, Kemi, what do we ask them to drop? The fog of pretence that has shut their eyes to the naked truth? Truth is always bitter! Badenoch said that as a Yoruba lady, she identifies more with her Yoruba ancestry than the entire country, Nigeria, emphasising that she had nothing in common with the North.

As it is typical of FFK, he threw caution to the wild wind and used indecorous language by asking Badenoch to “Do us a favour by shutting your foul mouth, dropping ‘Kemi’ as your name & changing it to ‘Aunty Jemimah’ instead.” He stated that Nigeria does need nor want her! What banality!

She said: “I find it interesting that everybody defines me as being Nigerian. I identify less with the country than with the specific ethnicity Yoruba. That’s what I really am. I have nothing in common with the people from the north of the country, the Boko Haram area, where the Islamism is. Those were our ethnic enemies and yet you end up being lumped in with those people.”

Up North, how many genuine northerners are happy with the havoc Boko Haram and other insurgents are wreaking over there? How many of our brothers and sisters up North are free to go home? Shouldn’t that be a wake-up call to Shettima and other leaders of the region to tackle the problem headlong instead of calling for a change of name for a lady who simply said it the way it is?

And to worsen the matter, FFK said that Badenoch was doing “PR for the House Ni*gers Association & the racist, fascist scum that constitutes the far-right wing of your adopted country.” Does it occur to FFK that here in Nigeria, nobody gets to power without playing the ethnic card? Is the former minister oblivious of the fact that In Nigeria, patriotism takes the back seat, while selfishness is at the forefront? Does he not know that this accounts largely for why we are where we are today as a people?

In case FFK pretends not to know, may we bring it to his hearing that here, everyone has their selling formula. General Muhammadu Buhari sold himself by calling all of us corrupt. He said he was the only ‘Saint’ around; we bought the dummy and for eight years, the Daura-born retired General showed us shege, as corruption wore three-piece suits, walking our streets with impunity! The best Buhari did was to pick his teeth!

FFK’s current friend and leader, President Bola Ahmed Tinubu, bellowed “Yooba l’okan; Emilokan.” He approximated a whole race to himself and got what he wanted. So, what is wrong in Kemi displaying the torn, unwashed undergarment of Nigeria per second if that is what titillates her audience?

There has been nothing she said that is false. What her homegrown critics have been saying is that she shouldn’t have spoken ‘this’ and ‘that’ truth. that runs contrary to the ethos of Omoluabi as a Yoruba lady. If you ask me, I will tell you that Nigeria needs more people like Badenoch and less of Shettima and FFK, for a better country!

By Sonnie Ekwowusi

Stakeholders can take advantage of Afe Babalola- Dele Farotimi conundrum to call for a Summit of lawyers, court personnel (Court Bailiffs, Court Registrars, Court clerks etc) and judges and Magistrates to try to fix the Nigerian judiciary.

Is the Nigerian judiciary beyond redemption? I don’t think so. So, let the stakeholders do something. Let us do something. Heaven helps those who help themselves.

The Nigerian judiciary, as you and I know very well, operates in a bubble or facade. Everything is wrong with the Nigerian judiciary starting from the filing of court process in court, getting the baillif to effect service, applying for certified copy of judgement or ruling, securing a date in court, applying for bail, the police adjudicating on civil cases in Police Stations, getting lawyers to come to court, getting judges to sit, 70% of awaiting trial inmates (ATM) in our Correctional Centres languishing in various detention without any succour coming from anywhere. I can go on and on.

So, let’s do something. Senior lawyers keeping quiet over the oddities plaqueing the legal profession in Nigeria are doing great de-service to the legal profession.

Is it Frank Fanon or ex-US President J F Kennedy who said the hottest place in hell should be reserved for those who keep quiet in times of great moral crisis.

So, senior lawyers should no longer keep mum over the judiciary mess in Nigeria.I am still pained by the damage I incurred flying from Lagos to Abuja to try to attend to two court cases just two weeks ago.

Before leaving Lagos I called the Registrars of the two courts and they assured me that their respective courts would be sitting. But upon arriving at the two courts on the fateful days fixed for the matters the courts were not sitting. No apologies from the Registrars. Nothing. Nada. I had spent a gruelling one week in Abuja incurring expenses. I had taken risks flying to and fro Abuja.

I am suggesting for a Summit of all stakeholders next year. The NBA could facilitate such a Summit or an NGO could shoulder the responsibility of organising such a Summit.

Keeping quiet is not the solution. Pretending that all is well is not the solution either. Gossiping on Social media is NOT the solution. Accusations and Counter accusations are no solution. Insulting others is not the solution. Cooling off in one’s comfort zone is not the solution

Sonnie Ekwowusi

PS: Making money is the only purpose of being a lawyer. It includes justice dispensation, using justice as a fine thread to knith the society. It includes using law as that social engineering often spoken about in legal jurisprudence to fix society

By Lasisi Olagunju

Adrian Louis is a witness to what popcorn does in a movie theatre. The American poet’s poems are apparently for Nigeria, a nation in eternal transition: “We gave them corn which, once popped/ into miniature buttered clouds/ gave us the opportunity to watch ourselves: / bloodthirsty, slow-thinking and grunting.”

We need lots of popcorn as we go into the new year. An Atiku Abubakar vs Bola Tinubu spar started last week over where the next president should come from and who the person should be. Tinubu’s man, George Akume, fired the first salvo. He demanded that, “President Tinubu, as a southerner, should be allowed to have a second term, meaning that those eyeing the presidency from the North in 2027 should look beyond that year by waiting till 2031.”

Almost immediately, Tinubu’s ex-friend, ex-(political) bedmate, Atiku Abubakar, came out roaring. He counter-asked that the next president must come from his part of the country, the North, and queried Akume’s sense of justice. “Where, then, does true equity and fairness reside? By the year 2027, the South will have enjoyed 17 years of leadership—eight years under Obasanjo, five years under Jonathan, and four years under Tinubu—while the North will have experienced only 11 years, with Yar’Adua serving three and Buhari eight. This results in a disparity of six years between the North and South, casting a shadow over the balance of power.” That was from Atiku Abubakar.

Tinubu’s man said that Tinubu should be the sole beneficial owner of the future. Atiku spoke about “equity and fairness”. He said, “The South will have enjoyed 17 years of leadership…” I read him two, three times and I was tempted to ask him: Did Nigeria start to exist in 1999 when his calculation started? If fairness is the talk, what would have been more equitable than starting our maths from independence, 1960? And, looking forward, why should the future be locked in for just those two lions in our jungle? Why must the future be a continuation of the story of those two who have been major (mis)writers of our democratic story since 1999? Should they forever think all others are stags, food for their lions?

People who reason that way obviously think ‘the lion’s share’ should be for the lions. Aesop, storyteller of antiquity, puts what those two think of us in perspective. The story is reproduced here verbatim as told in folklore:

A long time ago, the Lion, the Fox, the Jackal, and the Wolf agreed to go hunting together, sharing with each other whatever they found.

One day the Wolf ran down a deer and immediately called his comrades to divide the spoil.

Without being asked, the Lion placed himself at the head of the feast to do the carving, and, with a great show of fairness, began to count the guests.

“One,” he said, counting on his claws, “That is myself the Lion. Two, that’s the Wolf, three, is the Jackal, and the Fox makes four.”

He then very carefully divided the meat into four equal parts and said: “I take the first portion because of my title since I am addressed as king; the second portion you will assign to me, since I’m your partner; then because I am the strongest, the third will follow me; and an accident will happen to anyone who touches the fourth.” The other animals kept quiet – they dared not talk, and got nothing for their efforts; the king of the jungle took all the benefits. That is the meaning of might; it is always right. It is also the root of ‘the lion’s share’ as an English expression.

Thomas Grey Wicker was an American political reporter and columnist. He spent a large chunk of his 85 years on earth reporting and writing books. He wrote ‘Facing the Lions’ – a political novel published in 1973. Before then, he wrote ‘The Kingpin’; he wrote ‘The Devil Must’; he wrote ‘The Judgment.’ Then he wrote ‘A Time to Die.’ He wrote many more books, three of them under the pseudonym ‘Paul Connolly.’ But it is to his ‘Facing the Lions’ I turn in discussing Tinubu and Atiku and their ambition to be boss forever. Charmaine Allmon Mosby’s ‘Among the Dog Eaters’, an excellent review of the novel, makes it easy for me to use Wicker here. I encounter in their character Bull Durham Anderson, a political leader who “plays upon the emotions of the masses for power, profit, and place…” and who “does not mind if the ends are contaminated by the means…” Mosby is surprised that the man “frankly admitted misuse of his power, and yet the voters repeatedly returned him to office…” Why? We ask that question here also in Nigeria. The answer may come tomorrow.

This and several other quotes from that novel could well have come from the page of an irreverent Nigerian newspaper columnist: “I’ve known men with good sense otherwise that would swear on the Bible that if (Anderson) stole a dollar he gave ten back in hell to the corporation…” At the man’s death, his son excuses everything he did; he says that his dad was merely “a man like you and me.” Then, he concludes that: “Every vicious thing he did, every law he broke, every man he bought and cheated and ruined, all that power he used for his own ends, the barnyard of corruption he made out of this state – just like it says on there, he was always a man. He did the things men do.”

Why should the next election be about Tinubu and Atiku again? When is rape enough? For daring to ask those questions, I will be asked to shut up and will be reminded that Atiku and Tinubu are doing with our democracy “things men do.” Their men think they are our husbands, and so, whatever they do with us, we are stuck with them just as Wicker’s world is to Durham Anderson. We wait to see. But, perhaps, more immediate is that in the new year, we need lots of popcorn in our theatre. There will be drama – comedy, tragedy, and a combination of both; a salad bowl of claps and raps.