By Emmanuel Fashakin M.D, Esq.
I have known Afis (NRN) since he was six years old, a bright eyed Afghani boy brought to my medical practice when we first opened our doorsfor business in Flushing in 1996. I have watched Afis grow up over the years, usually brought to the office by the mom, and later, as he became our adult, he remained our patient and came himself.
About 12 years ago, Afis’ mom came to my office with a pretty young woman, whom she introduced as Afis’ wife, also of Afghanistan origin but formerly residing with her parents in Pakistan. Her father is an Attorney and they are very well off in Pakistan. I welcomed Mrs. Afis to our medical practice. Very soon thereafter, Afis and wife were blessed with the birth of their baby son. They were a happy family but then things began to fall apart.
About 10 years ago, Mrs. Afis came to the office tearfully and informed me that Afis has neglected her. That Afis does not talk to her anymore, would not give her money, and would not have relations with her. She informed me that they live with her mother-in-law, who is still kind to her. She said that she has taken Afis to the Family Court to enforce her rights. I was really shocked, because divorces are rare among the Afghanis, but I am seeing it more and more, especially among the younger folks.
I knew that taking him to Family Court would further aggravate the situation. I was wondering how the Family Court could provide reliefs for her when they were all still living together, and Afis and mom are providing everything. She told me that she was not asking for money, but that the Court should compel Afis to have relations with her. I informed her that the court could not issue an “affection order” and I jokingly asked her how she thought the court could enforce or supervise that?
Mrs Afis refused my offer to speak with her husband, who still remained our patient, and soon returned to Pakistan. She came back about nine months later but informed me that the situation at home had not improved. She decided to enroll in College. All the time, Afis, who is my very good buddy, probably sensing that I was going to discuss the situation in his home with him disappeared from my radar. Unlike before, when he used to come in frequently and discuss his anxiety problems as he developed into an adult, he did not come in for over two years and then shows up suddenly.
Afis appeared quite worried. Yes, his wife is still around but he shunned her. He forced her to return to the US from Afghanistan with her son because she was threatened with kidnap and abduction charges in court. He works as a limo driver and makes good money. Yes, there was problem in the family, because, wait for it: Mrs Afis’ uncle was married to his mom and he cheated on his mom. And Mrs Afis was supporting, instead of condemning, her uncle, so he decided to turn against her. (Such consanguinity is very common among the Afghanis. One of my female patients married her cousin, her father’s brother’s son, who had grown up with her, in the same house, since they were four years old!)
I chided Afis: why would you abandon your wife because her uncle cheated on your mom? He was unperturbed: “Doctor, forget about her; I have a different problem.” “I have this sores on my private part.” “Why what happened?”, I asked him. “Didn’t you use a condom?” “I did, but she did an oral on me first”, came the reply. No, she was not the usual girlfriend, but someone he met casually. As soon as he described the lesions, and I examined it, I knew what he had, but in this type of situations, I have learned to let the lab results do the talking. I will simply interpret their lab results to them; they will not hear bad things from my mouth.
Afis was back in the office three days later, called by my staff because of abnormal preliminary lab results. Yes, herpes is strongly positive. Full results on typing and duration of infection was pending. I told him that based on the lab results, it was advisable that I treat him with large doses of acyclovir immediately. There is a chance that he would be able to clear the virus and not suffer recurrences. Afis was distraught; his greatest worry was that he had infected his girlfriend, whom he respects and wants to marry. I told him not to worry about herpes, because almost half of all Americans have it. What the heck?
Afis was back in the office one evening, a week after all the saga began. We now have all the final results, yes, the virus on his genital is herpes type 1, usually associated with the mouth, and it is a very recent infection, because the IgM is strongly positive. “I knew it was that Bxxxx!”, he muttered under his breath. “Oh my God, I think that I have infected that poor girl”; he was very despondent, referring to his girlfriend.
As he exited my room, Afis said the words which made my day. “Doc, if it turns out that I have not infected my girlfriend yet with this herpes, I will leave her and go back to my wife. But if I have infected her already, I will marry her. I will not like to leave her as damaged goods.” I told him that I think that he should leave his girlfriend anyway, and return to his wife, who by the way, is still living with him and his mom, neglected for over two years, punished for her uncle’s misdeeds.
Ironically, Afis is also doing what he accused his stepdad of. I am sure Mrs. Afis would be happy to have him back, herpes and all. For once, it appears that something good may come out of genital herpes: Herpes harps a happy tune!
Emmanuel O. Fashakin, M.D.,FRCS(Ed), FAAFP, Esq.
Attorney at Law & Medical Director,
Abbydek Family Medical Practice, P.C.
web address: http://www.abbydek.com
Cell phone: +1-347-217-6175
