GBV: Under the guise of religion humanity has committed atrocities too much to mention – Abuja Rights Activist

“Sexual abuse and gender-based violence is a lonely street for the victim and if there’s going to be any solution; it must come from an intervention that gives strength to the victim to be able to speak and face their abuser.” – Jude Ifesemen

The story is told of how American video-game developer, Zoe Quinn suffered abuse as a result of stepping into a male-dominated world. She became the target of harassment after details of her private life were released online by an ex-boyfriend. His revelations led to accusations that she had had a relationship with a gaming journalist in an attempt to get positive reviews for her game. Similarly, writer and entrepreneur, Mercy Makinde once wrote that trolls, clap back, shades are a few of the words she picked up from episodes of social media harassment and bullying she has seen.

In truth mobile telephones and social media have assisted hugely in telling victims stories, enlightening and engaging the public on SGBV issues. But they have also been used as weapons damaging as physical abuse. Jude Ifesemen an award-winning poet, lawyer, and principal partner of Ifesemen & Associates in a paper titled “Leveraging Technology for Efficiency in Handling Sexual and Gender-Based Violence (SGBV)” noted that “the question of technological interventions on gender-based violence and sexual abuse is long overdue.”

While calling for the creation of an app with an easy to use interface for domestic abuse and gender-based violence, Ifesemen in his paper delivered at the recent Annual General Conference of International Federation of Women Lawyers (FIDA) in Abuja also stressed that “the first step when a case of abuse is reported is not necessarily reconciliation but protection of the victim then investigation, possibly restitution before reconciliation.”

Below is an excerpt from the paper.

When we talk about gender-based violence, the problem in our clime is more on our farce morality and traditional norms than what is written. This is so bad that our institutions neglect enacted laws and turn traditional counselors. Thus it is difficult for victims of sexual abuse and gender-based violence to actually file reports against their abuser, especially where the said abuser is the spouse or other family member. The slogan that “no marriage is perfect” is common through the walls of even enlightened homes where gender-based violence is prevalent. The most unfair part of this traditional morality is how quickly it switches against the woman if ever she’s found to be the aggressor. The same culture of endurance is hardly remembered as even other women lead the chant for prosecution and justice!

Sexual abuse and gender-based violence is a lonely street for the victim and if there’s going to be any solution; it must come from an intervention that gives strength to the victim to be able to speak and face their abuser. However, we must first understand that gender-based violence is not limited to physical or psychological abuse but systemic abuse which starts with the legal regime of our male-based laws.

Until recently only by the intervention of a woman actually going to court, a woman required the consent of her husband to get a Nigerian passport at the Immigration office. This in itself is one of many examples of gender-based violence in the country. Society has not been fair to the woman. Even under the hashtags on violence against women, we hear my gender-raising issues like men should be included and I have always responded that please do your own hashtag yourself. It is equally an abuse trying to hijack a movement because of a few isolated cases of men being on the other side. It must here be noted that cases of abuse against men are rare and hardly go unpunished as men are known to be creative in ways to find redress.

The laws currently in force are not in their totality useless but the enforcement by the supposed enforcers remains the biggest challenge. Thus, the question of technological interventions on gender-based violence and sexual abuse is long overdue but though already active on many fronts, must go beyond mere presentation to actual implementation. Thus I would like to make three recommendations to the body of this presentation by addressing the topic on three fronts:

• Marriage and Religion
• Society and Traditional morality
• The Law

Marriage and Religion

We are a very religious society even before the advent of western religion. Our leaders have always ruled by divine claims and ascribing their tyranny to divinity. It is why virtually all religions warn us to not question the deity. In most religions, the man is declared the head of the union and must be given a godlike reverence no matter the circumstance, thus it is easier to ask the woman to forgive the man for his atrocities while any misdeed of the woman subjects her to public ridicule and possibly execution in some cases. A woman caught in adultery is branded, but when a man is caught it is the wife of the said man that is branded. Some religions even accept corporal punishment from the husband against the wife as a means of leadership. Some women are so psychologically conditioned to see abuse from her husband as a sign of love and leadership.

It might shock you to know that there are women who believe that if a man doesn’t hit you then he doesn’t love you. While this may be referenced under mental health issues, it must be noted that some mental health issues are originated from religious conditioning. The doctrine of submission is a lie! It is chauvinistic and narcissistic! It is an aberration of even the religious acclamation of free will! How do you say humanity is given free will but a wife has no free will when it comes to her husband?

How did an adult female mortgage her right to her body, her resources, and her mind to another! If that is the tenet of matrimony then marriage is licensed slavery in the 21^st century. Even the legal principle of volunti non fit injuria does not apply to self-harm. That is to say, I cannot volunteer to be killed.

Under the guise of religion over the ages, humanity has committed atrocities that are too much to mention but the continuous subjugation of women in marriage must end even if it means ending religion for a religion that thrives on slavery and abuse is false!

Marriage is the coming together of two souls willing to honor each other not the coronation of one over the other.

Society and Traditional Morality

The Nigerian society no matter evolved we try to claim in the cities is still very traditional. The victim of domestic abuse has already been abused long before they entered the situation by the society which created an impression that marriage is too precious and must be sustained no matter the cost as a “do and die”. Women carry the impression that every relationship has its challenges and that you must make your own work at all costs. Thus the idea of marriage is not exactly the honey on the moon but more of the grinding in the mines.

It does not help that from a young age, the goal set for the girl child is marriage. Words like “keep your virginity for your husband” are common in many homes. Even public health Practitioners that know that virginity is not a token to be kept still preach this farce morality to their wards. This has created a dependency mindset in most females as they see sex as a tool for exchange rather than the mutual pleasure it is designed for. Thus many women probably here today have been having sex for decades yet never really found any real pleasure in it to desire it beyond the blankets of what they can get in return. The concept of orgasm and climax for most ladies seem more like a myth. I imagine a young 21st-century lady telling her mother that she has never had the pleasure of orgasm with her husband and the mother wondering and shutting her up that what is relevant is bearing children and not the vanity of sexual pleasure. Thus, while the man seeks sexual satisfaction from as many women as possible, the woman must be modest to be properly rewarded with good children. This is an abuse of the mind

The Law

The law makes it so difficult to be free, that when you consider the cost of divorce and the time and all its traumas, you just remain on Mount endurance. Did the Matrimonial Causes Act actually say you must wait two years before filing for divorce? And why do you need leave of court to actually file for divorce under two years? Are these in themselves not violence against an already traumatized victim? Why do our family courts not focus strictly on family cases and grant instant dissolution?

There’s a police department called Gender where Gender-Based violence issues are supposed to be handled but most police divisions are either not equipped with the right personnel for it or they pretend not to know what to do and return the victims that come seeking redress to the lion’s den of their abusers. Most times, the fatal cases of violence against women have been previously reported but the police officers turned spiritual and traditional counselors rather than address the situation properly.

The law further does not help as the burden of proof becomes a traumatic experience on its own. The victims of abuse are subjected to continuous trauma rather first taking into consideration their mental state and wellness.

Recommendations

The following are a few recommendations to handle sexual and gender based-violence issues in Nigeria.

It is pertinent to note that in a situation of sexual and gender-based violence and domestic abuse cases the victims are greatly traumatized and any system that puts the victim in front of their abuser before they are ready is abusive in itself. So the healing process must be put into consideration and protecting the victim’s mental health must be considered. Thus rather than face the abuser, a pre-recorded deposition could work as it provides the victim with a nonthreatening environment to narrate and recount their experiences. In divorce proceedings, the time for divorce should be swift and the Judge’s intervention of trying to counsel for reconciliation should be removed.

This is because it is expected that the petitioner is an adult and must have thought it through before asking for liberation. The re-counseling and almost mandatory attempt at reconciliation which some judges celebrate as success stories for stopping divorces are actual silent death sentences as the petition who already is traumatized and scared is bullied into a reconciliation that hardly works as the situation most often gets worse but she loses the will to attempt to re-file for the divorce as she sees that even the judges which is the law, may side with the respondent and return her again. Thus, she is trapped in a marriage enabled by a society that seeks “matrimonial peace” against joy and freedom. Thus the process of litigation and trials for divorce proceedings should be modified; family courts should be set up strictly for family cases just like revenue courts.

We should allow for dissolutions within 48 hours of marriage. If the people decide that they want to remarry again subsequently let them woo themselves and marry again. Why are we keeping people trapped in a relationship they don’t want to be in. The animosity that divorce breeds would be avoided if the process is swift because most times, the parties grow angrier at each as they are subjected through the traumas of unnecessary revelations during the proceedings.

Our law enforcement agents must be equipped with the right tools and mindset to understand that the first step when a case of abuse is reported is not necessarily reconciliation but protection of the victim then investigation, possibly restitution before reconciliation. A woman should not feel pressured or harassed and intimidated by the authorities she’s running to for protection back into the hellish situation. Women across generations are not known to be alarmists so when a woman takes a move, she must be given the necessary support because it takes a lot for a woman to make such moves for exeat.

Thus, I recommend an app be created for domestic abuse and gender-based violence with an easy-to-use interface. Although would mainly be available for only those with smartphones. It would be easy to register any sexual abuse and gender-based violence issue on the app which uses the victim’s location and pairs her with a caseworker that becomes the first responder.

 We must encourage third-party reports and give it more weight than hearsay evidence. Our laws must anticipate the reluctance of victims to express themselves and make reports. Thus with the intervention of an app as stated above, even third parties can report for friends, family, and even neighbors.

I recommend that halfway shelters should be set up across states and cities for counseling as well as an escape where you can go and find solace even if they would go back to the Union find temporary relief to clear your head and re-evaluate your options for a while to have peace

I met a young lady recently working with a project called Theragist. It’s a mental health counseling platform online mostly anonymous where you can login there and discuss with counselors anonymously.

We know that in our society the culture of silence is the major fuel feeding the monster of gender-based violence so we should have a system where people can express themselves even if it’s anonymously. I believe that from having a platform for expression they would build the confidence to finally come out and walk out of such a situation or to eventually speak out to an audience or to make their cases.

So if we do have even if it’s an anonymous platform, anybody facing these gender-based violence issues can just go online, register and share your encounters or challenges and find strength from a community of people going through similar experiences, and from there we will build strength they will build profiles and build the capacity to be able to come out.