The Ghanaian writer, Ayi Kwei Armah, while condemning the double standard inclination of politicians in his classic work, “The Beautiful Ones Are Not Yet Born,” made reference to a bird, “Chichidodo.” He said that Chichidodo is a bird who hates excreta but feeds on maggots that feed on excreta. To put it in perspective, it is like an old man who does not eat snake but shares the meat to his children using his teeth.
At the unbarred concert on Thursday, marking the end of the NBA Annual General Conference in Abuja, Nigerian lawyers staged a walkout on the artist more popularly known by his sobriquet, “Portable” [Habeeb Okikiola]. Reactions have trailed this action by Nigerian lawyers. The organisers of the event have been vilified for inviting an unfit person to perform for fit and proper persons.
Regardless that “unbarred” is a social and very informal event, and regardless that portable is but an artist and performer, I agree that his choice as a performer for lawyers was very wayward, especially in the light of what the musician represents and in the light of what the legal profession represents. How correct the latter is — especially in the light of recent infamous conducts of very senior legal practitioners and embarrassing judicial pronouncements — is a topic for another day.
Many who were not pleased with the choice of Portable, among so many other genuine reasons, wondered how a man who is given to heroin-smoking, a tout with tattoo-riddled body, was deemed fit to be the performer. Few others still say, “but is he not just an artist?”
F
But you can not hate excreta while you enjoy the putrid smell of fart.
At the opening ceremony of the AGC on Sunday [a very formal event], lawyers were giddy with excitement, cheering, “jagaban, jagaban,” while the President teetered and tottered his way to the event, consciously sandwiched by his barrel-chested men who constantly perform same role as a bicycle stand. Just like in Portable’s scenario, some will argue, “is he not the President.” Lawyers did not stage a walkout, perhaps because the sponge of presidency has blotted out the kindred attribute he shares with portable: unfitness!
When you recall that this guest was same person who spurned the Association’s invitation for the AGC last year but chose to send his running mate, who donned running sneakers inexplicably and awkwardly with a suit, you wonder how very chichidodod-ic lawyers’ actions were; both the invitation, the cheering and the walkout on Portable. It is more hurtful when you recall that the distance from his house to the conference centre last year was less than 4 Kilometres. Not just lawyers’ invitation, he also rebuffed every invitation for any public debate or discourse. Alas, we did not stage a walkout.
How fit was a man to declare the AGC open, who is a certified drug baron, and whose only eligibility for that event [presidency] is an unfitting nomenclature he bears very controversially. You are contending that a man stole a pair of shoes, and you turn somersault to admit him to a sacred event where owning same shoes was the reason he was admitted, and where the owner of the shoes was in attendance. And what does the owner do on sighting the shoe stealer and his shoes, he cheers him, “Jagaban, Jagaban!”
How fit was a man for the opening ceremony, whose identity, certificates, education, source of wealth, ancestry, are still mired in astonishing controversy.
It beggars belief especially because the theme of the conference was, “getting it right.” The person who was invited to declare open the process of getting things right was same man who got electioneering process wrong by buying his way into an office. But we did not stage a walkout.
On this evidence, I will be very surprised if the man who marred the collective mood of our country [Mahmood] is not invited next year as a Keynote Speaker. On that day, as on Sunday, we shall cheer him, “Mahood, thank you that you marred our mood,” and will not stage a walkout.
Chinedu Agu
2 September, 2023.
