By Emmanuel Fashakin
I came into the waiting room and this man was grinning widely at me. There was something familiar about this patient, but, uncharacteristically, I couldn’t place this guy. I know thousands of my patients by name, including their medical histories and often most of the medications they take, and they are usually happy when I glimpse into the waiting room and I call out: “Sandra, Mr. Cummings, Ms. Blanche, Sister Andrea how are you guys doing?” Some blurt out, “oh, Doctor, you still remember my name?” I assure them that they are all very important to me.
My confusion arose from the fact that Ralph (not real name) had changed so much since the three years I last saw him. Ralph, who was robust, contented, and very good-looking, now had a gaunt appearance, his frontal hairline is receding and his cheeks were sallow, like someone who had been starved, or living in a concentration camp. I was completely shocked by the transformation as he sat to my left in the consultation room. After recovering from the initial shock, I could not help myself from asking him the question: “what exactly happened to you?”. That was when he told me his tale.
“You remember Doc about three years ago I told you that I was going through a divorce? Well, I took it really hard. She just told me that she didn’t want me anymore, after two children.” “Why did she do that?”, I interjected. “Did she catch you having an affair?” “No, no Doc”, he protested strongly. “I never had another woman; I never had an affair.” “Okay, did you beat her up”, going down the list of the second commonest cause of the breakup of homes. “No Doc, I never touched her. Besides, she is a cop, she has a gun.” “It was just arguments, you know Doc, we argued a lot, and she said that she was done with it. I took it real hard after she asked me to leave the house, and then I started drinking, and I got caught in a DUI”. (Driving while Under the Influence).
“It all started when I left my work in the Bronx on a Friday evening. You remember that I am a Licensed Respiratory Therapist (not real profession). I felt so lonely that I went into a Bar and started drinking. I drank a lot, Doc. It was raining and I drove all the way from the Bronx to Queens, then towards Long Island, and it was raining very hard.” Now that made me really cringe, how could someone drive drunk over all those sky-high narrow bridges in the Bronx? I get scared, gripping the steering wheels real tight whenever I drove on the Triborough Bridge and the George Washington Bridge in the Bronx. “You drove all the way from the Bronx to Long Island while drunk?” I asked incredulously. “Yes, Doc,” he confirmed.
He continued: “I was on the Cross Island Parkway when I got pulled over. The cop said that I was driving zig-zag on the road, while it was raining heavily. I was so drunk, and the visibility was so bad that I didn’t see the flashing lights. He had to be blaring on the speaker system ‘pull over now, stop the car, pull over. I heard the sound before I saw the flashing lights. That cop probably saved my life, because I was so drunk. The cop said that he was already off duty, that he was going to his home in Brooklyn, and he realized that he left something in the office, and he turned back and saw me driving erratically in the rain.”
“I got convicted and had my driving license suspended for three years. You know I worked three different jobs. It has been so difficult to be taking taxis from job to job. And I have to pay child support. To compound matters, I was reported to the New York State Office of the Professions because of the DUI. They would not renew my Respiratory Therapist License. I was referred to the Divisional Office in Manhattan. I had to have two hearings. They were going to suspend my license to practice for two years. I told the Secretary that I had child support obligation; I think that probably made a difference — they don’t want my kids to become dependent on the State. Finally, they made their decision last week. I could get back my license, but I have to be on probation for the next three years. I am not allowed to take any alcohol; I must undergo urine toxicology screening every three months, at my expense, and send the results to them, and that is why I am here today, to do my first test.” We took urine samples for Ralph’s required drug testing.
Two weeks later, Ralph was back in the office. He was a happier man. Not only was his Therapist License restored, but he had served his three-year Driver’s license suspension and he could now drive again. Now he came back to do the required physical examination for a new job, and to complete the medical forms. His urine toxicology results were clean. I was happy for Ralph, his smile was brighter, and life was looking better for him again. But Ralph has another problem.
During the divorce, he kept calling the wife, asking to be allowed to return. The wife filed for an order of protection, that he be barred from further contacting her, and her request was granted by the judge. Maybe Ralph did not understand how this works, or perhaps he was too drunk to care, but he had kept calling the wife. His disobedience earned him a prompt arrest, and he was convicted with one year’s probation. Now his sentence came to haunt him. He landed a plum job with the State, but when they did a background check and found that he was convicted of order of protection violation, they rescinded the appointment. I had Ralph why he didn’t look into expungement of his conviction, so that the records become sealed. He informed me that his Attorney informed him that he was not qualified for sealing of records, because he had pled guilty. “Why the heck did you plead guilty”? I yelled at him. “They had the goods on me, Doc, I left messages on her answering machine!”
Now Ralph is trying to get his life back together. He really misses his children, but his ex-wife would not let him see them. The order of protection has lapsed, but Ralph says that every time he calls the home, and wants to arrange to see the children, the ex-wife would not speak with him. She would rather ask the daughter to “tell him I don’t want to speak to him; tell him not to call me; tell him to go away, tell him you don’t want to see him, etc.” Ralph wondered why she would not even pick up the phone to tell him what the problem is. Ralph is very embittered about this: “why won’t she pick up the phone and talk to me man to man, instead of sending my daughter to tell me all sorts of bad stuff?”, he wondered.
Ralph is trying to put his life back together, but he has refused to marry, or even speak to another woman. He says that he is a Christian, and his church forbids remarriage after divorce. I told him that the Bible has a provision for the situation when someone throws you out and refuses to continue with the marriage relationship (1 Cor 7:15) but he is adamant in his conviction. Ralph’s ex-wife had him thrown out of the house, refused him access to his children, filed criminal charges, and almost had him in jail, and almost took away his professional license and means of livelihood, a playbook I am all too familiar with. Yet Ralph seemed to be still obsessed with her, and still hoping for a reconciliation. My hope is that he doesn’t hit the bottle again in frustration, because, as he must have found out by now, DUI could do you in!
Emmanuel O. Fashakin, M.D., FMCS(Nig), FWACS, FRCS(Ed), FAAFP, Esq.
Attorney at Law & Medical Director,
Abbydek Family Medical Practice, P.C.
Web address: http://www.abbydek.com
Cell phone: +1-347-217-6175
“Primum non nocere”
