By Emmanuel Fashakin
Wednesday, July 12, 2023. Bernice, (not her real name) who has been my patient for about twenty-five years, came in for a medical check-up. You could never hope for a better patient than Bernice. Ever smiling and very pleasant, she never gave the doctors or the staff any trouble.
Bernice is eighty years old but unless you were told, you could never guess her age accurately. She is sharp and witty. Walks steadily and straight. She held down a job well into her late seventies until a few years ago.
Bernice came in with her daughter for medical clearance for cataract surgery. In view of her advanced age, the ophthalmologist wanted to make sure that she was in a good enough physical state to tolerate her surgery. They requested a physical exam, blood tests, and an electrocardiogram on her heart.
Bernice is in great shape for her age. She has a little bit of hypertension, adequately controlled on a single medication, and a little bit of osteoarthritis of the knees controlled by painkillers as needed.
The physical examination was unremarkable. I was about to send Bernice to the Medical Assistant for her blood draw and EKG when I discovered some telltale signs of active cigarette smoking. Bernice was an active smoker many years ago, and she had assured me that she had stopped. That was about fifteen years prior. I had no idea when she resumed smoking.
So I was surprised as I removed the stethoscope from my ears: “Bernice are you back actively smoking again?” “Yes Doctor”, she answered gloomily, I smoke a bit. Maybe like three to five cigarettes a day. I cast a glance at the daughter, standing to my left beside the vaccines storage freezer. She looked down at her feet guiltily, avoiding my gaze.
My thoughts went from disbelief to disapproval and then seeming acceptance within ten seconds. “Take it easy Doc,” I cautioned myself. Bernice is eighty years old, in very good shape for her age, and doing very well. A person cannot live forever; we have to die of something. Let Mama have some fun and enjoy herself.
I turned and addressed the daughter directly: “Let Mama do whatever makes her happy. If she wants to smoke, let her do it.” A smile of relief crossed her face. Bernice herself brightened up quickly. Then I told them my own story.
I left my country Nigeria for greener pastures in the UK in May 1989. By that time my dad’s hustling days were over and he had retired to his house in Akure, Ondo State. It took about eighteen months for me to settle down sufficiently to start sending him money, regularly on a monthly basis, to supplement his meager pension from Lagos City Council.
I visited Nigeria in June 1982, and I was surprised that Papa was not being given the money I sent directly. My siblings held the money and released it only at intervals to the caterer adjacent to his house to prepare food for him. When I asked them why he was not given his money, I was told that he loved to play “Pools” (a weekly betting game based on results of British Soccer Games).
I was furious. Why on earth would you not deliver the money I sent to the old man to him? I immediately ordered them to give his money to him as I sent it, to spend as he wished.
My brother Rotimi (may his soul Rest in Peace) interjected: “To spend as he wishes, including playing pools?” “Including playing pools”, I answered quickly. Rotimi almost fainted. “Why would you indulge Papa to be gambling with his feeding money?”, he asked incredulously.
“I am neither indulging nor encouraging him to gamble, I am only allowing him to do whatever makes him happy in his old age”, I calmly explained. Eventually, we struck a compromise: Papa would be given half of the money to spend as he wished, while the other half would be given to the caterer for his feeding. A smile lit up on Papa’s face. I got the impression that he had more pleasure in pools than pounded yam.
Almost exactly a year to the day, Papa was dead. I reckon that he died a happy man; he probably played one or two bets before he was admitted to the hospital, betting that Aldershot and Grimsby Town would battle to a one-all draw.
As we celebrated thirty years anniversary of Papa’s death two weeks prior to this story, I remembered the above incident, and a smile crossed my face. That decision to let Papa do as he wished, and depart on his own terms, was one of the best things I ever did. You never know how much longer the elderly have.
We cannot live forever. Longevity is good but quality of life is also important. At certain times, when people reach certain ages, you have to let Mama, or Papa, do whatever makes them happy!
Emmanuel O. Fashakin, M.D., FMCS(Nig), FWACS, FRCS(Ed), FAAFP, Esq.
Attorney at Law & Medical Director,
Abbydek Family Medical Practice, P.C.
Web address: http://www.abbydek.com
Cell phone: +1-347-217-6175
“Primum non nocere”
