By Emmanuel Fashakin
Wife, 51, normally contented and happy, came into the office this morning looking very melancholic. I noticed the difference in her appearance right away. “What’s going on, Mrs. Ram? How are you doing today?” “Not doing good, Doctor. I am having problems at home.” “What happened?,” I asked her, concern in my voice, “your husband? your children…?” “My husband” she interrupted. “He has turned completely alcoholic and apparently now wants to die. He has been drinking for a while, but has now gotten worse. For the past three weeks, he has not been eating, not taking showers, just drinking.” Mrs. Pam was called in because her diabetes was getting out of control, she has taken three weeks to respond, which is very unusual for her.
I looked at Mrs. Pam and felt really sorry for her. She and the husband were one of the first families to enroll in our Hollis branch location when it opened in August 2005. They are very good people. Cause us no problems, use their medications, and follow Doctor’s advice. Good patients. The husband is always cheerful and caused us no problems. When our Hollis branch, which was located just five minutes walk from their house, was closed in November 2014 and merged with the new office on Parsons Blvd, their family was one of those who remained steadfast and moved with us six miles away from home. The husband has not come to the office since last year despite repeated calls. I now know why.
“My husband is not paying the bills anymore. We don’t have hot water. We have to go downstairs and get hot water from neighbors to take our bath”. Things were worse with the Pams than I first thought. I told Mrs. Pam that I would like to speak with the husband. Mrs. Pam told me that they no longer have a phone at home. “What about his cell phone?” “I took the cell phone from him because all he did was call his friends and they discuss bad stuff which make our situation worse”. So I asked the wife: “so how can I reach him now?” “You cannot”, said Mrs. Pam softly, “until I get home and put the battery back in his phone and charge it up.”
I told Mrs. Pam that we need to change tactics. “You took his phone from him; he cannot speak with his friends. You left him with only one friend — his alcohol.” I continued: “I want you to stop nagging on him. Stop telling him how useless and good-for-nothing alcoholic he is, because he knows that already.” I was shocked at the guilty look that came on Mrs. Pam, and I perceived that I had hit on something. “Take a look at the floor. Someone who is down there cannot fall any further, he is down and out. Hitting him while he is down will not yield any results.” “I want you to go home and give him his phone back. Tell him that you are sorry that you have been hard on him. Tell him “Raj, you are better than this. You are a good man. You can beat this alcohol problem. It’s our family problem. We will fight it and win together. I am going to support you. We are going to win”. I told Mrs. Pam “I know that what I am asking you to do is not the natural thing to do in the circumstance, the natural thing is to nag, curse, and abuse, but if you do it, it will work for you” The look on her face encouraged me: she is willing to fight to get her man back!
I reached into my left pant pocket and brought out my private card case. “Here is my private card. It has my private cell phone number and my private email. As soon as the phone is charged, I want you guys to call me. We are going to beat this. We will win together.” My prayer is that Raj will be delivered from the scourge of alcohol abuse.
Emmanuel O. Fashakin, M.D
P.S. This piece was written as it happened in June 2018. There is a happier ending. Raj reduced his drinking drastically. Got a job. The house utility bills were being paid again. He attended the office with the wife about nine months after the article. Sober. I pray for their continued success and happiness.
Emmanuel O. Fashakin, M.D., FMCS(Nig), FWACS, FRCS(Ed), FAAFP, Esq.
Attorney at Law & Medical Director,
Abbydek Family Medical Practice, P.C.
Web address: http://www.abbydek.com
Cell phone: +1-347-217-6175
“Primum non nocere”
