By Emmanuel Fashakin
Archie loves to come to the Brooklyn office. The girls working in the office don’t like him. He often uses the bathroom, displaying his thing, with the bathroom door wide open. He sometimes grabbed half-reamful pieces of printing papers and takes them to his house for his own use, until I sternly confronted him. Archie is a little bit mentally challenged. Although he is middle-aged, he shakes like a leaf when the girls report his malfeasance to me and I confront him. He acts like a dog with tails between its legs, muttering “yes, Doc; yes, Doc.” It appears that Archie just enjoys coming to the office whenever he is bored, or maybe to see the girls. He would come in and ask for referrals to see Urologist, Dermatologist, Orthopedics, Podiatrists, all at once, and he would not show up in any of their offices. He would then come three to four weeks later, asking for the same referrals all over again. I sort of like Archie, and would give him his referrals all over again. He would leave the office, smiling, “Thanks brother; thanks Doc.” I have no problems with him as long as he listens to me.
About two years ago, on learning that I am also an Attorney, Archie requested my help in suing his old lawyer to recover his money. Archie broke his right arm in an accident and was given substantial monetary award. He informed me that his attorney swindled him and that he was not given his full share. I informed Archie to find another lawyer because, in order to avoid conflict of interests, I do not accept legal cases where I had also acted as a physician, and besides, I was very busy at the time and not accepting new legal cases. My explanation had not stopped Archie from asking me periodically to take his case.
Archie came in four weeks asking for something totally different. This time Archie told me that he had been involved in an accident, hit by a car while trying to cross the street. He wanted referrals for X-Rays, MRIs, Orthopedics, Physical Therapists, etc. I asked him for the particulars of the accident, the insurance of the driver, police report, etc. I told him I needed all that because State Law would not allow me to use his regular medical insurance for his accident case. Archie informed me that all the papers were in his house, and since he lived only half a block away, he was back to the office in about ten minutes.
On examination of the police report, I stared at Archie incredulously, because, the officer responding to the call wrote that the car driver asserted that Archie threw himself on his car while he was moving slowly in traffic, and a witness on the scene corroborated it! I looked at Archie in disgust: “You threw yourself on the car!”, I exploded accusatorily. “No Doc, I didn’t”, Archie protested, then added, “Doc, how much am I going to get now?” Any doubts in my mind vanished. I was tempted to reply Archie: “Six months in the Penitentiary, that’s what you’ll receive”, but I controlled myself. Since Archie had no visible injuries, I drove him away. I refused to bill neither his medical insurance nor the No-Fault accident insurance — I don’t what to partake in anybody’s sins.
However, after about two weeks, Archie, undaunted, was back in the office, still asking for MRIs, X-Rays, etc. I jokingly told him that the police were looking for him to repair the poor fellow’s car on which he had thrown himself on the street. He just shrugged his shoulders and said that nobody was looking for him but he left the office without bothering me. But last week, Archie was back, newly emboldened to pursue a claim. As a compromise, I sent him for X-Rays, which are much cheaper than an MRI. I told him that based on the police report, he was unlikely to get any money, but his greed is getting the better of him. I am beginning to feel that Archie’s original accident, resulting in his broken arm, may not have been an accident at all.
Archie’s case reminded me of another patient many years ago. He came in and confided in me that he was busted acting as a donkey in staged motor accidents. Five young men would pack themselves in a car and insert themselves in fast-moving traffic, and then their driver would slam on the brakes suddenly, hoping the driver coming behind would hit them. They would all claim significant injuries to their necks, backs, limbs, etc. He collected a lot of money as a donkey until the insurance companies got wise regarding these unfortunate five who were always together and were unlucky to be rear-ended by other drivers. And they always had the same injuries a few weeks apart. He landed in criminal court and he came clean, pleading guilty. The judge was gracious and allowed him to serve weekends only in jail so that he would not lose his job, and he was a first offender (really?). He would be incarcerated at Rikers Island Prison after work on Fridays, and he would be released on Sunday night so he could go back to work on Monday.
When next you see a car packed with people speeding crazily, please keep a safe distance because they might be donkeys trying to bait you into an accident.
Emmanuel O. Fashakin, M.D., FMCS(Nig), FWACS, FRCS(Ed), FAAFP, Esq.
Attorney at Law & Medical Director,
Abbydek Family Medical Practice, P.C.
Web address: http://www.abbydek.com
Cell phone: +1-347-217-6175
“Primum non nocere”
