FOUR trending videos and a hilarious joke on the internet, last week, summed up how much Nigeria has happened to Nigeria. Kashim Shettima, vice president of the republic and a close associate of President Bola Tinubu, long before both took the reins of power, has this to say about the inflection point the country is witnessing, in a video, recorded at a public event.
“There is an incident that happened to my friend. His wife and driver were driving through Kano city and some young men came out and broke the windscreen of the car and told them in Hausa ‘bastards you are enjoying, we are suffering’ and those young men did not run away, it was my friend’s wife and driver that scampered away. And very soon, very soon, we will reach that boiling point, unless we wear our thinking cap and work for the people and the most important yardstick has to do with the quality of governance. There is more to leadership than primitive capital accumulation. No matter how much you steal, it gets to a certain point, it is just a number. The lifestyle of somebody with N20 million is virtually the same with the lifestyle of somebody with N100 million” he sermonised.
If Shettima were to be delivering his grim homily from the pulpit, his encouraged congregants, would likely rhapsodize, “preach on pastor”. If it was a comrade’s aluta reawakening to fellow wailing wailers, Shettima, would first receive seven gbosas (hearty salutation), followed by a holler, “tell them”.
But the truth bearer here is part of the problem as well as the solution. He sounded in the video, more like a pall bearer for the country.
Mid last year, when Fuji icon, Wasiu Ayinde was named the new Olori Omoba Akile Ijebu by Awujale of Ijebuland, to replace late high-flying banker Otunba Subomi Balogun, a lot of eyebrows went into seismic spasm. Many thought the responsibilities associated with the prestigious title were above the paygrade of the minstrel, when his resume is juxtaposed with his predecessor’s. The conclusion was that his longtime friend and president of Nigeria, facilitated the crowning. My attitude to certain shoes being bigger than new wearers is, give the new man time to grow into the oversized shoes, until he is seen not to be growing into it. Jesus, in John 15:2 disclosed “Every branch in me that bears not fruit He (God) takes away”. When Gani Adams, was derided for being too “small” for the Aare Ona Kakanfo’s shoes, left behind by billionaire philanthropist M.K.O Abiola and former Premier of Western Region, Ladoke Akintola, my attitude, was, time would tell. Days back, the Yoruba generalissimo asked for six months to end the raging insecurity in the country, especially in Yoruba land. Cynics are asking, for how much. I don’t know.
During a live performance, with his full band, captured on video by K1 DE ULTIMATE DIGITALS, (meaning the viral clip was recorded and released with his permission) the president’s long time buddy, choreographically catalogued the woes plaguing Nigerians on the watch of his friend and systematically asked him, (he mentioned Tinubu name’s name, to leave out any doubt), to quickly ameliorate the living standards of his people, before he falls the hand of his own, as the street would couch a disappointing outing.
The most telling of the soliloquy-esq performance is when he called the president by his oriki ‘Akanbi’, thrice and said he should do the job he begged Nigerians for and for which, the president said at the book launch of his predecessor’s spokesperson, he danced kokoma around the country, while campaigning. Wasiu also pled for patience from Nigerians and assured Akanbi would clean the mess. Immediately, he was done with the solo delivery, he walked away from the microphone. It was a calculated performance.
Whenever Yoruba have to call someone’s name thrice, the matter is beyond serious. When an errant child’s name is called thrice by his parents, they already smell calamity. During the campaign, Akanbi assuredly told his supporters, ‘e lo fokan bale’ (relax, all would be well), especially when Buhari’s Aso Rock, appeared arrayed against his presidential ambition. And, all was indeed well, then.
Seun Okinbaloye, anchor of Channels TV’s Politics Today isn’t much loved by opposition figures and supporters, despite the acclaimed brilliance of his delivery, because he is largely deemed pro-ruling party and has been accused numerous times of always throwing softball questions to APC chieftains appearing on his show, in order not to embarrass the party and particularly, the president.
But in an uncharacteristic tirade on the Sunday edition of the programme which is now viral, a frenzied Seun, in his Final Talk, which usually closes the show, almost resorted to salty language in pointing the socio-economic and security ills plaguing Nigeria and her people. For more than four minutes, Seun was vituperating and vibrating about the plights and burden of Nigerians, though without throwing overboard his bibire (home training). It was a State of the Nation address from an unexpected quarter, reminding the president of his vow to his people and why he must rise to the occasion now. He pointedly addressed the president.
Then, there was also this viral video of money boys, at a soirée, marking a year birthday of the child of one of them. They were obscene with their wealth display, automobiles, cash, wine et al. At a time in Nigeria when kidnapping has made adherence to Yoruba’s adage that ready-to-eat yam should be consumed without preening, compelling, these guys were too loud for comfort, celebrating a year-old birthday. If they aren’t afraid of being raided by criminals, well, maybe they are just immune because dogs don’t eat dogs. And lest I forget, they also danced and stomped on Naira. If the actress, Oluwadarasimi Omoseyin could be jailed six months for it, EFCC would also have to check with these guys, except if they are just above the law, in all manners.
The Naira-spraying guys, captured on the social media as “agba ballers” (the real happening guys) depict what a senior friend of mine, captioned “what a country”. Majority barely able to eat once a day and a few, with questionable access to wealth, both within and outside of government, live, annoyingly, large. Their eye-popping lifestyles, as showcased in the video, with guys looking anything like prosperous, spraying bundles of newly-minted Naira Nigerians cant even access through ATMs and have to buy dirty notes from PoS vendors, automatically become the models for young men and women, who also want easy life, even if crime would make it happen.
And finally, this joke about a cash-strapped Nigerian who pitched his cat to his neighbour, for money, at least, to eat. The neighbour wouldn’t mind buying but the problem is that there are no rats in his apartment for the cat to work on. The ingenious pawner, sensing the deal was about falling through, cajoled with “please buy the cat now and I will bring you the rats in the evening”. What a quirky after-sales service! Are the president’s supporters also catching the buyer’s remorse syndrome? E lo fokan bale, in Tinubu’s voice. The prophetic for this year is that it would be hard, almost to the breaking point, then the relief. May God bring the relief quickly. It’s beyond any man now.
