By Sonia Thompsom
Confidence has a hypnotic effect on people. The first time I recognized it was at a flamenco show in Barcelona a few years back. I was mesmerized by the performance of a beautiful full-figured middle-aged woman. I couldn’t keep my eyes off her as she danced. My friends and I eventually dubbed her “the most confident woman in the world.” It was like she bathed in a tub full of confidence on a daily basis. I knew if I had just a piece of what she exuded while on that stage, I would be unstoppable.There’s data to back that up. Studies show that confidence is closely correlated with success, and even more so than competence. That’s why it feels like some of the people we most associate with being successful appear to have an abundance of the coveted trait.
But the reality is, confidence is something we all can develop and increase. Even better, science has shown us specifically how to do it.
In their book The Confidence Code, authors Katy Kay and Claire Shipman went on an extensive quest to find out how people could increase their confidence. Here’s how they summarized their findings:
“And so fortunately, a substantial part of the confidence code is what psychologists call volitional: our choice. With diligent effort, we can all choose to expand our confidence. But we will get there if we stop trying to be perfect and start being prepared to fail.”
Take imperfect action. Fail. Use what you learn to take action again. Repeat until you consistently get results you can feel proud and confident about.
Let’s take a closer look at how to start implementing these methods:
1. Surround yourself with confident people. In her best-selling book Grit, Angela Duckworth explained that one of the ways to develop grit, or any other trait you aspire to have, is to spend time with a group of people who are doing what you want to do or possess the skill you desire to develop.
“The drive to fit in—to conform to the group—is powerful indeed. Some of the most important psychology experiments in history have demonstrated how quickly, and usually without conscious awareness, the individual falls in line with a group that is acting or thinking a different way.”
Thus, if you struggle to be confident, start hanging around confident people. Not only will you start embodying the mind-set that helps them be successful, but you’ll start to latch on to the activities that enabled them to get there, too.
When I started learning how to dance Argentine tango, everyone I knew danced better than me. My confidence level was at zero. But they kept encouraging me to dance, to go to classes and to try new things while on the dance floor. Their confidence in me fuelled my own. And their commitment to practicing to get better made it easier for me to do the same.
