“My names are …”? Like, seriously? What have you been drinking?

By Chinua Asuzu

“My names are …” is awful, harmful, hurtful, painful, and sinful English.

“My names are …” is mangled grammar on steroids.

The English language comes from England. There, everybody, from Cambridge to Oxford, from Fleet Street to High Street, from the law firm to the marketplace, says “My name is ….”

Today, the major dialects of English are American and British. In America, from Harvard to Yale, from Main Street to Wall Street, from the corporation to the foundation, everybody says “My name is ….”

I challenge you to find one respectable source from any jurisdiction that uses the construction “My names are ….”

Back home in God’s home country Nigeria, the best authorities on English language, from Justice C. C. Nweze to Justice B. B. Kanyip, from Kayode Sofola SAN to Olisa Agbakoba SAN, from Chimamanda Adichie to Wole Soyinka, from Farooq Kperogi to Prof Ben Nwabueze SAN, from Chinua Achebe to Chinua Asuzu, all say, “My name is ….”

In my angelic Igbo language, the expression is “My name is …,” no matter how many names the person has.

Your several names make up your one full name, your one identity. Your full name, no matter how many constituents it has, is a singular noun phrase, not several discrete nouns. The subject (“name”) and linking verb (“is”) must both be in the singular.

Saying “My names are …” is akin to saying “I are …”! If you say “My names are …”, you’ll need to insert commas between the several names, and you’ll need a conjunction before the last.

My name IS Chinua Asuzu.