By Funke Egbemode
Nobody understands. How could she do it? Why did she do it after all these years? An affair after 25 years of marriage and three grown-up children? What is she still looking for? What has God not blessed her with? Her husband is well-to-do, healthy and the children are doing well. But Madam B did it and it’s done. She’s 52 and is cheating on her husband. It’s hard to understand, I guess, but it happened and somewhere, as you read this, it is probably happening again. Older women stepping out on their spouses. There are researches to even prove that it’s not a Nigerian thing. So, why are grandmas having affairs?
Let’s look at the case that inspired this column today. I must confess, I can’t tell you all the wheres and wheretofore. Just that I get to hear things, all kinds of things but this one I’m sharing.
Madam B and Uncle Akin have been married for 25 years and have three grown-up boys who schooled and are schooling in Canada. Meaning: the nest is empty. It is just the couple and their domestic staff now at home. The problem is that Akin is hardly around. Madam B was once a top executive in a bank but is now retired with plenty of time on her hands. She goes to the gym four times a week, parties at weekend to keep herself busy.
According to her, she goes to those parties just to fill time and space. “The truth is I have been lonely for a long time now. Even when I was in the bank, my husband hardly had time for me. He was either on one long trip or the other or hanging out with his friends. There was always one meeting or the other in Nigeria or abroad. Yes, he picked his bills and we were comfortable but I hardly saw him. As a working woman, my job kept me busy, and tired at the end of the day and at weekends. I coped better then. I knew he had girlfriends too but he kept them away as much as he could, but I knew most of the time, though.
“However, the last three years have been really difficult. I run a consultancy now and rarely go out. Meanwhile, Akin is still as busy as ever. When I complained of his absences and my loneliness, he laughed it off and told me to go and spend more time with my children. He asked if old women get lonely. But I don’t feel old. In fact, I don’t feel any different from how I felt 10 years ago. I’m also one of these women that reach menopause late. My sexual needs are still there but over and above the needs for sex is the need to be with my husband, spend time with my man. But he was hardly ever here. I eat alone, sleep alone and watch television alone.
“It got so bad I’d started sitting on the balcony and chatting with the gardener while he worked. So, this thing with Daniel just happened. My husband had not made love to me in seven months. When he was home, he was too tired to do more than a kiss and a hug. Dan is a divorcee who used the same gym with me. We were both two lonely people killing time in the gym. He makes me laugh. We share the same taste in novels and entertainment generally. One thing led to the other and we had breakfast together, then dinner, then, we got intimate.
“At first, I was ashamed, so ashamed that I couldn’t go to church the following Sunday. I felt really dirty. It’s the first time in 25 years that another man was seeing my nakedness. I felt guilty but somehow, felt alive, good, like a woman again. It’s been six months now since Daniel and I started this and I must confess that it has been fun. I’ve lost weight and I’m making efforts to keep Dan interested. My husband still comes and goes, thinking, I guess, I’m an old woman who should be worried about her blood pressure, be more concerned about her children’s welfare and not sex. Dan thinks I’m fine old wine to be savored. We’re secret lovers eating the forbidden fruit that for now, is too delicious for me to spit out.’
Madam ‘B’ has not been caught pants-down yet but we can generally declare her guilty. Of what? Infidelity. But what is her husband guilty of or is he clean and innocent? He’s the wronged party who didn’t deserve to be cheated on? No such thing. Let’s be realistic. Uncle Akin left his farm unattended to and now weeds are choking everything he’d planted in 25 years.
