By Rahila Dauda
“The state has abused us, raped us, vandalized and ravaged our minds so that we begin to be grateful for the peanuts and breadcrumbs we receive from the state.” – Jude Ifesemen
Jude Ifesemen is a lawyer and principal partner of Ifesemen & Associates. An award winning poet (2020 Unesco Award winner on National Art Competition with the Poem “Sheroes”), author of “Streams of Passion”, a collection of 70 poems published by Tamarand Prints, UK, coordinator of the Jude Ifesemen Foundation, founder of the Heart of Soji Initiative, farmer, Gender Rights activist, Notary Public of the Federal Republic of Nigeria and more, he spoke extensively with Rahila Dauda on gender based violence, its relationship with mental health and the impact on society.
L&S: You’re a certified trainer on gender based violence and a gender rights activist, what prompted you to take this path?
Answer: My Mother was a strong woman! I was raised right. I learnt very early that women are gods and should be worshipped. Being a gender rights activist is just me telling the world to do what’s right.
L&S: With the number of rape of underage children, mostly girls, being reported in the media, do you foresee any danger on the society in the nearest future as they are growing up without any form of counselling or therapy? Do you suppose that the effects of what they went through could impact negatively on the society? Could the wrong done them cause an internal damage that might affect the society at large?
Answer: On the issue of child abuse, the State need not only criminalize child abuse, but should set up a monitoring team. A task force team across all local governments; across villages to monitor and enforce the criminalisation of child abuse. Child abuse is not only when you spank a child. The child is out of school, it is abuse. So most times, the first person abusing the child in Nigeria as an example is the state for not ensuring that the fundamental objective and directive objective of state are actually working. The state has abused us, raped us, vandalised and ravaged our minds so that we begin to be grateful for the peanuts and breadcrumbs we receive from the state. Imagine applauding a governor that is elected doing roads or security.
Every child that is abused, everybody that is abused, no matter the counselling and therapy session given to the person, no matter how long it lasts, that child, that person has a broken spirit somewhere. There may be an attempt to mend a broken glass but the scars remain and anything can trigger it at any point in time. It is not a religious issue. It is a human issue. So for every child that is abused, as much as counselling and therapy is important, it is still not enough. We must actively nip it in the bud. We must be vigilant. Teachers in school must be vigilant. Teachers in religious centres must be vigilant. Parents, neighbours, friends of the family must be vigilant; even strangers passing by. When you see a child that is exhibiting the sign of abuse, take note of it.
I recently retrieved a young girl, a 17 year old girl. She was brought in from the South to Abuja to take care of a lady’s daughter. She also got an additional a job to manage a POS store. When her salary was paid in the POS store, the same lady that brought her from the South collected the money from her. So she was doing the job of taking care of the lady’s daughter for free and the job she’s doing as sales girl at the POS store was also like slave labour. This girl wanted to go to school. The so called madam said – “School? I did not bring you to Abuja to go to school. And if you decide you want to go back to school, you must return the transport money with which I brought you to Abuja.” We were able to retrieve her and end that cycle. But even at that, something has already been broken in her mind. So the issue of child abuse and how the person grows up, the issues will continue to remain.
L&S: Talking about a broken spirit that came about through how we were raised; recently a popular American artiste DMX died. Many spoke about his challenges and troubling past. There are so many DMXs around. How do we avoid creating more of such broken people and how do we deal with the already existing ones?
Answer: We are all DMX. That’s one thing about this abuse story. Everybody is a victim. Whether you’re a direct victim or you’re affected by the actions of a direct victim, you’re a victim. DMX had a beautiful career that would have blossomed to something greater, but he kept having triggers upon triggers. There are a lot of DMXs around. Everybody must watch out for abuse on a child, abuse on a lady, abuse on a man, abuse anywhere; so that where the victim is unable to speak, someone must be able to speak up for them. When you report a case of domestic violence to NAPTIP for example they will want the victim’s testimony. But these victims are held down by the mentality of the society and religious norms that would make them say no, they’d rather not complain. Some of them will even bring the complaints to you and back down at the end. These issues should no longer be so.
The state should set up a proper investigation system when these matters are reported and when they are found to be true, they should swing into action with or without the statement or corroboration from the victim. Remember that a victim is not only a victim physically but also a victim psychologically. Most of them are first broken psychologically before even physically.
L&S: Is there any fault of the victim in gender based violence? Could there be a justification for GBV or SGBV? Some people have said that women are the cause. That the ways they talk to a man, the way they behave sometimes trigger the man to the point of beating them. Do you suppose there’s any justification for this? Weeks ago, a man kicked his wife, a young six months pregnant lawyer in the stomach and she eventually died. There are few cases men also being victims. Recently, a woman stabbed her husband to death. I’m wondering, is there a possibility that something from the childhood of these abusive men and women triggers this negative behaviour or they are downright evil?
Answer: The soldier that goes to war and survives an assault is a warrior. A survivor is a champion not a victim of war, so I will not lay blames on victims.
On the question of whether abusive people are evil, I do not subscribe to good and evil in the sense that one person is good or one person is bad. We are products of how we were raised. Environmental factors and other factors determine the perspective through which we see life and react to issues, so the whole question of somebody being evil is a myth.
There is no justification whatsoever irrespective of the abuse a person goes through, that will justify his or her being abusive. That you have been a victim of gender abuse or child abuse is no reason for you to act as a perpetrator rather you should be empathic.
The person that comes out and opens his or her mouth that women talk too much and that it’s their fault for being abused is an abuser. These are abusers that ought to be arrested. This is what I have been talking about that the state is first the abuser. The states enabled that man to walk out of the TV station without being arrested and sent to a psychological home with machines hooked to his brain. People are justifying nonsense with nonsense. If a woman abuses you why not walk away. Abuse can be emotional, mental, economical, verbal or psychological. So when someone abuses you in a way you cannot maintain or sustain then you should walk away and not justify it. I know that if there is a background research done in the person justifying such you will find out that there is a foundation of abuse in him or her.
Yes, men are also victims of abuse but there are more women as victims. It is because it’s more difficult for men to come out and say they are victims of abuse or beaten by their wives, but there are more women as victims. The society has already abused the mind of the woman that her role is to be subservient and obedient but that is an insult to the specie of a woman. A woman is not supposed to be subservient to a man. That you marry a man does not make you inferior to him. Everybody has a role to play. I don’t believe in equality but equity. A man no matter how strong he is cannot do the things a mother can do, else he breaks down.
There is a saying attributed to Albert Einstein that everyone is a genius but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree then you will spend the rest of your life thinking it’s stupid. Nobody is better than the other. We all have our strengths and we can excel in it. Stop the lie that women are weaker vessels. There is no weak woman. There is no man that is stronger than the woman. It is not by big muscles. What the woman’s body and mind can survive a man cannot but we know where we have our capabilities. So there is no such thing as subservient submission. If you care about someone, it’s all about cherishing, worship submission and honour. And it is both ways. It is not because you’re coming to bow to me.
Imagine a man kicking a woman in the stomach, more so a pregnant woman and his wife. A six months pregnant woman whose husband screams at her but still retains the pregnancy and remains in that relationship has already been defeated psychologically before it gets to the point of physical abuse and kicking. These issues must be dealt with. It is not only about criminalizing the man. He first needs a psychiatric evaluation. He should spend the rest of his life in a mental home to ascertain what is wrong. There should be machines hooked to his brain to look for what went wrong or where he got broken for him to become so insane.
The women that stabbed their husbands are likely victims of society and their past but that does not justify that they should turn to violence but need mental help. We all need mental help. Living in Nigeria is enough stress. We all need some time to spend and check on ourselves and do some mental evaluation.
So when we talk about these things, you realise that legislations are of no value if they remain dormant. They should be made to work. Certain things need to be put in place. The state as I earlier said is the first perpetrator of violence against its citizens truly because if the fundamental objectives and directive of state policies are working perfectly, it should reduce certain actions and enable people to be more vigilant. But everyone is on a rat race and everyone is looking for order.
L&S: The VAPP Act has introduced men as victims of rape, but we don’t see men coming out to say they have been raped, what could be the issue?
Answer: Because society made men think sex is a prize. If you realize the number of preteens being raped by maids and cousins at home you’ll be shocked.
Also you see this thing about GBV… it has created a victim state of mind that a boy wonders if he being the man can ever be believed as being raped. People will ask “didn’t you enjoy it.”
L&S: What is the correlation between mental health and GBV?
Answer: GBV is a psychological attack on the abused. More than the physical abuse is the mental abuse. You’re telling me I am less because of my gender. You make me wonder and wish for another gender. I envy the other gender or get angry at them and develop some state of mind against both genders. GBV is a mental assault on society
L&S: As a gender rights activist, what do you believe is the solution to the inequality women keep facing in the society?
Answer: Women are the solution of the world. We are a broken society and the only people with the relevant skill set to fix it are women. I don’t believe men are designed to lead. Men should focus on defence and security while women take over administration.
L&S: You’re also a poet and I have read your last work Streams of Passion and I must confess it is an amazing work of literature. What is driving force behind your poems?
Answer: Poetry is my safe space, my diary, my life book. I document every thought, every action in poetry. I believe I am the historian future generations will study and so I can document yesterday and today in verses for tomorrow.
L&S: As a multi-talented young man, husband and father, how do you balance all these roles you play?
Answer: To be honest, it’s very easy to balance it all o! My priority is family. After that, everything falls into place. I won’t trade the comfort and peace of my family for anything.
L&S: What really motivated you to study law?
Answer: Law is a calling. I wanted to fight for what is right. I wanted to defend the underdog. It’s my driving force as a human.
L&S: A piece of advice for the teeming young lawyers who look up to you.
Answer: Be honest to yourself. Be fearless, and don’t allow anyone or any situation to muzzle your voice. Speak!!!
Finally it’s important we realise that we are creating a society where no one is actually sane. Also, beyond legislations, we need awareness!!! Parents, teachers, religious leaders… Drum it everywhere!!! Tell everyone to tell everyone. GBV is real and it’s bad!!!
