By Bisi Adewale
During the Mothers’ Day celebration in a prison, a Christian ministry visited the inmates with greeting cards they could send to their mothers. The ministry offered to pay for the postage of the cards to their mothers.
All inmates came out of their cells to send the greeting cards to their mothers to the extent that more had to be provided because there weren’t enough for the inmates.
They all wrote emotional messages to their mothers, appreciating them for their love, care, attention, and support.
These are some of the words they penned for their mothers:
“Sweet Mother, you are the best”
“Mum I disappointed you, I am sorry”
“I love you mum”
“Super Mum”
“Mum, this is your Mum of the Century award”
“I don’t deserve you mum, you are too much”
“You sold all to pay for my lawyer’s fees. I don’t know how to thank you”
“All abandoned me, but you are just there. You are more than a million”
Encouraged with the responses of the inmates, the prison ministry purchased a large number of cards for Father’s Day celebration with the thought that inmates would need to send lovely wishes to their fathers.
They were wrong. Unfortunately, only ten inmates out of thousands came out to pick cards. Three of them wrote negative things on their cards. Curious, the ministry involved decided to interview some of the inmates about their relationship with their fathers. What they said should be food for thought for all fathers. Some of them said:
“My father is the reason I am here. He is a bad example.”
“He was never in my life. I don’t know him.”
“I don’t have a father. He is late, but he is living in Ohio now.”
“He made me wild.”
“I hate him.”
“He beats my mum regularly.”
“He is an idiot.”
“I don’t like him.”
“He made me gay.”
“I met him for the first time when I was 12.”
“He said he was not my father.”
“He divorced my mother when I was 3. I met him twice after.”
“He is a pastor of a church, but a devil at home.”
‘’We are three boys, raised by an idiotic and alcoholic father and we are all in prison.’’
“Please don’t mention his name.”
“He introduced me to porn. I became a sex addict and rapist, here I am.”
“That idiot slept with my sister”
The following summarizes what mothers are doing and the mistakes some fathers are making. Every father who is reading this should take heed and avoid the common mistakes of modern fathers.
ABSENTEE FATHERHOOD
Lots of fathers are absent from the lives of their children. Millions of children are being raised by single mothers worldwide. It’s a mistake on the part of any man to abandon his children for their mother only.
MIDNIGHT FATHERHOOD
Some fathers are home mostly at night while their children are fast asleep.
DELEGATING PARENTING
Some fathers delegate almost everything about parenting to their wives. They believe their only duty at home is to pay house rent, school fees and other bills. This is very wrong. School fees cannot raise a child. An excellent father is much involved in rearing, nurturing, caring, training and parenting his children. He is ready to attend parents-teachers meetings and he is available on important days in the lives of his children.
ORDER, JUDGEMENT SYSTEM
Some fathers run the order-judgement system. They give order to their children in the morning and come out to judge them in the night for any wrongdoing. No love, no interaction, no intimacy and no effective communication.
EXECUTIVE FATHERHOOD
Lots of fathers are executive in nature. They behave like managers at home. Their rooms are their offices. They issue orders which everybody must obey. They have a formal relationship with their wives and children.
CELEBRITY FATHERHOOD
Some fathers who are famous or in a position of leadership and authority are fond of having a celebrity mindset at home. They behave like a tin-god and separate themselves from their children. Some pastors are fond of this too. They fail to know the difference between spiritual and biological fatherhood. They are so far from their children and still busy even when at home. They find it difficult to have a personal relationship with their children.
IRRESPONSIBLE FATHERHOOD
Can you imagine this home? The father gets a fat salary but he hardly drops a dime at home for his wife and children. This is an act of irresponsible fatherhood.
CHILD ABUSE
Some fathers, especially in Africa, believe that the best way to raise a child is to beat them and inflict injury. They use everything to harm their children in the name of discipline. Some even use blades to harm their children.
A father made his 16-year-old daughter stand clad on the street to shame her for committing fornication. This is simply Child abuse, not discipline. The Bible supports child discipline, not child abuse. See this:
“Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the ROD OF CORRECTION shall drive it far from him.” Proverbs 22:15 KJV.
Note that it is the rod of correction the Bible calls it, not the rod of affliction. Child abuse is wrong, don’t do it.
NON INVOLVEMENT
Some fathers are at home but they are never involved in the lives of their children. They pay the bills and provide all things, but they will never raise a finger. They believe that their wives only are responsible for raising children. This is wrong. A father must be involved in all the 6 phases of parenting namely:
Childbearing
Child rearing
Child nurturing
Child discipline
Childcare
Child training
This is what excellent parenting is all about.
WIFE BATTERING
Modern men are still committing the crime of beating their wives, the mothers of their children with impunity. This is a grave mistake that a father must not commit.
CHILD BRIBERY
Trying to bribe a child to behave in a certain way by promising a reward only teaches a child that they get a prize if they act inappropriately first, and then change their behaviour. If you want them to act appropriately for the first time, a good child discipline alternative is to remind them how good it feels to make the right choices or to simply give the predetermined positive consequence for positive behaviour.
Culled from the book Excellent Fatherhood
