GBV is a scourge – FIDA, Akaraiwe, Alakija, others

By Lillian Okenwa

“The children from GBV homes become future perpetrators that would likely become spouses to children that have never experienced GBV and thus create a new circle of victims. So we are all involved and to save the next generation we must treat this as an emergency.” – Jude Ifesemen

Domestic violence is a scourge that must be fought with the last drop of our blood,” began Ikeazor Akaraiwe, Senior Advocate of Nigeria as he expressed pain and anger over the tragic death of Gospel singer, Osinachi Nwachukwu, following alleged physical and emotional abuse from her husband, Peter Nwachukwu.

Indeed the rash of domestic violence in Nigeria leading to the death of partners has reached an alarming rate, and Singer Osinachi’s death has again brought it closer. In this article, Akaraiwe, SAN, billionaire businesswoman Folorunsho Alakija and other Nigerians bared their minds about this troubling issue.

“If you don’t want your partner again, for God’s sake, separate, BUT do not hit him or her. I hate to draw attention to myself but this is my 32nd year of marriage. I have never hit my wife and vice-versa. Not because we are perfect. Far from it, but because we understand it to be a no-no; and responsible for the so-many maladjusted children we see today,” said Ikeazor Akaraiwe.

Charles Okeibunor, lawyer, conflict resolution, and management enthusiast began with the question — “Why did I Get Married?”

“There is a popular film by Tyler Perry with the above title.  Its sequel is ‘Why did I get married too? The various individuals corroborating the pains of Osinachukwu in her marriage is truly disturbing. In fact, all forms of abuse (physical and mental) attacked the root of the union. If they start to hit you, curse you or do things they know to mentally torture you, it is time to re-evaluate the purpose of the union. Ultimately the purpose is that two are better than one, so if both of you are not better together, something is wrong and has gone mortally wrong that needs to be addressed as an emergency.

“Marriage is a CONTRACT. As a relationship management enthusiast, there is no relationship on earth without the presence of gain and pain. But any relationship where the persistent pain outweighs the ultimate gain is a relationship that will destroy one or both parties eventually.

“A few years ago, a man stabbed his banker wife 21 times. Today his wife is gone, he is on death row and their daughter is orphaned. Shortly after that is the sad case of two married lawyers in Lekki. After seasons of squabble, the lawyer wife stabbed her husband to death, cut off his privates, and put it in his palm, she is cooling off in Kirikiri, while the man who was to take up an international job before the unfortunate incident is 6ft below. All to what end?

“In my opinion, if they stayed because of the shame of a failed marriage, then those who are living now should realise that the true shame is not separation/divorce, the true shame is when you fail to fulfill your purpose in life, which results from a sudden painful partner induced death.”

Jude Ifesemen, Lawyer, author, and coordinator, of Heart of Soji Initiative, shared his views. “Scientists all over the world are searching for answers and solutions for ailments and diseases like Aids, Covid19, cancer, etc. Unfortunately, there are worse things plaguing our generation that no research seems to be focused on for a cure. Gender-based violence is worse than cancer or the Covid 19 pandemic. It destroys not just the direct victims but the watching children and the society.

“Worse is there is no antidote or vaccine against GBV especially when the victim either struck by Stockholm syndrome or any other personal reason refuses to leave. No matter how much we talk, hold seminars and workshops or cry and shout about the gender-based violence in our society, unless the victim is empowered enough to take action to say no, to step away from the situation, there is nothing a third party can really do. This is because any interference from a third party can be termed Trespass. The case of Entik v. Carrington defined Trespass as ‘any invasion of privacy no matter how minute.’ Thus, there have been cases where the victim called the police against the interfering party.

“No one protects a GBV perpetrator more than the victim.  We have heard and read cases in developed economies like the USA where rather than file a report over domestic abuse for disturbances reported by neighbours, the victims would be swearing that they fell down the stairs for being clumsy on their own. Gender-based violence is a disease that no scientist to my knowledge is currently searching for a cure for. We may enact laws and legislations to protect victims but all that would be futile if the victims do not themselves rise to save themselves. The pertinent question and should be an area of research is —why do victims endure these abuses?

“One thing we must all agree about is that we are all affected by GBV directly or indirectly. The children from GBV homes become future perpetrators that would likely become spouses to children that have never experienced GBV and thus create a new circle of victims. So we are all involved and to save the next generation we must treat this as an emergency. The world must declare it a pandemic worse than the Covid 19 pandemic and save the generations yet unborn.

“Some activists have opined that a possible solution is the empowerment of women, especially in their finances but without giving any global statistics. From my personal observations, most female victims of GBV, are even the breadwinners of their homes. Take the Osinachi case, for instance, she was the artist and from the stories circulating, she was the main source of income for the family. She was the husband’s cash cow, and he milked her dry to her death. So financial empowerment may not readily be the answer though, everyone should be independent financially.

“We have seen cases of female Judges and female boxers being victims of GBV, thus it is not weakness that makes them victims. We must as a matter of urgency redefine what is important in society and raise the next generation accordingly.”

Likewise, billionaire businesswoman, Apostle Folorunsho Alakija, noted that many husbands have abused the word ‘submission’ in Ephesians 5:22 and used it to control their wives. According to Mrs. Alakija, these men have chosen to ignore verses 21 and 25 which command couples to “submit to one another” and husbands “to love their wives just as Christ loved the Church.”

 “We find that husbands don’t want to concern themselves with verse 21 which says submit to one another but they chose to camp with wife submit to your husbands. But they didn’t go further down to go and read verses 25 and 26 which tell husbands more about what they are supposed to do. You find that Verse 21 was shorter but many have chosen to ignore it. There have been many arguments for and against, many controversies about this word submission. Many have twisted it to suit what they desire. Many husbands have used it as a control measure. That’s not what it is meant for. In fact, it is for unity and not for control.” 

 Writing further on her Facebook wall, Alakija said: “Submission in marriages has always been a controversial topic, but what does it really mean? As a Christian wife, it is your God-given duty to submit to and obey your husband as both of you submit to one another and Christ. While there are many references in the Bible about how a woman should behave in marriage, there are also scriptures that guide men on how they ought to treat their wives.

“Often overlooked, however, is that men are equally obliged to love, nourish and cherish their wives. Christian husbands should not abuse their authority. Let the word of God in Ephesians 5:21-25 guide you in leading a peaceful marriage.”

Port Harcourt lawyer, Alozie Echeonwu put it this way: “Domestic abuse is a power game. It could be directed towards elders, spouses, siblings, children, or domestic servants. Judges, Professors, local and foreign Royals, Governors, senior and junior lawyers, medical doctors, pastors, and imams, abuse their spouses and household members… It will stop if we truly love one another in the household as we love ourselves.”

To sum up, Emmanuel O. Fashakin, Attorney at Law and Medical Director gave this advice: “I think people need to give the other a little bit of allowance in marriage. Marriage does not mean enslavement. You must let people be. Let everything they do in furtherance of the union be voluntary and cheerful, not out of compulsion. I encourage the wife to be herself. Whatever she gives I take. Complaints only cause more unhappiness. 80% of the wife is better than 0% in divorce. Her parents did not get 100%, why should you? Even God does not insist on 100% of us. He allows us to consult snakes and eat whatever fruit we want.”